World Snacking OrganisationWSO · Emergency bulletin
KO LANTA ·
Alert level: Delicious
- Peckish
- Hungry
- Ravenous
- Delicious
WSO declares a Public Health Emergency of Delicious Concern
Acute Deli Proximity Syndrome is now confirmed on every beach from Klong Kong to Saladan. Travellers are advised to eat before arriving.
Bulletin WSO/ADPS/26-014, Office of the Director-General for Snacking
Following an emergency committee meeting held at the outbreak site, the World Snacking Organisation (WSO) has declared Acute Deli Proximity Syndrome (ADPS) on Ko Lanta a Public Health Emergency of Delicious Concern.
The source has been traced to a single premises on the main road at Long Beach, open 10:00 to 19:00, closed Mondays. The committee met on site to save time. It has not yet left.
Recognised symptoms of ADPS
- Involuntary turning-in: the scooter indicates left without the rider being consulted.
- Compulsive brie purchasing: including by patients who are lactose intolerant and know it.
- Reverse order recall: the patient now greets the staff by name first.
- Visa creep: in advanced cases, a second visa extension.
“We sent two inspectors in at 10:00. We have heard back from one of them. He asked if we wanted anything.”
Dr. Helena Toast, WSO Incident Manager
No vaccine is available. An early trial of "just walking faster" was halted after every participant reached the door sooner.
